Lyme Disease is a bacterial infection. I got it when I was around 12 years old. We don’t exactly know when I got it, because it was months after I started feeling ill that we got a diagnosis. This was in the early nineties, when Lyme’s existence in the medical field was only about 20 years old and not nearly as quantifiable as it is today (though many aspects of it are still incredibly difficult and under-researched). I’ve had serious flares 3 times (meaning periods when I’ve been so ill I’ve been unable to work and merely “waited” out courses of antibiotics and immune building until my list of symptoms abated). During my “recessive” periods, I still battle digestive issues, joint pain, major fatigue, sensory overload, feelings of paralysis on one side of my face, sleep problems… symptoms that come and go and can be light or severe, depending on many factors.

Since my last serious flare, which ended around 3 years ago, I’ve had a good run.

But now things are changing again, I can feel it. And it’s scary. My body hurts, on a daily basis. Lights seem harsher, sounds seem louder, the world seems to be pulsing at a higher speed.

I can feel my body screaming, “Stop, pause, rest, be still“. And I’m trying to slow it down. But when you have a day-job that pays so well you can actually see yourself clearing up that medical debt (I’m definitely pro Obamacare) and writing work that is soclose to being enough to sustain you financially, it’s hard to know what to give up. I work in a kitchen. I interview chefs for a weekly column. I review food events. I’ve got a crazy/awesome month of giveaways and features set for the Easy Eats blog. I go to CT to help out in my family office. I (attempt to) keep this blog going because I enjoy it. I love what I get to do. But once again I’m worried that my body can’t keep up with the “if you can make it there…” pace in the city I love so much.

This post may seem gratuitous the week of Thanksgiving, but it’s because of giving thanks and the joy of the holidays (that I adore and which give me so much inspiration) that I wanted to express this. This blog was inspired by my history with Lyme, but the past few years my symptoms have been a regular but manageable part of my life, so Lyme’s presence here has been relatively absent. Now it’s taking a bit more of my thoughts. I am so thankful for my health, especially for my ability to walk from A to B after not having been able to during my first bout as a child. But there are so many symptoms and ins-and-outs of living for so long with an intricate, changeable and painful illness. I want people to talk with about it. Because when we talk we process, and share ways to help, and ways to move forward.

Saturday I spent 7 beautiful hours talking through things with a good friend with Crohn’s. Yesterday I got a wonderful/heartbreaking email from someone reaching out about her 19-year old son dealing with his third year of Lyme. It’s important that those of us with chronic but not overtly visible illnesses have people to talk with. So please, if you know someone with Lyme, R.A., Crohn’s or similar immune illnesses and they need an ear, send em my way.

This soup I made at work a few weeks ago, in love with the idea of making something simple and warming with only a few ingredients. It’s incredibly basic: yellow onions, chicken broth, garlic, thyme, garlic, salt and pepper. I love it. I made it at home again recently as it doesn’t threaten the stomach and got my body warm again, inside and out.

Stay warm, and thankful.

Thanks for reading,

– Jacqueline